Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
