I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
