How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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