end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
