think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
