how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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