I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
