rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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