I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
