When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
