My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
