Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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