There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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