i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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