It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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