goodnight i made you a song goodbye
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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