Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
