I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize