Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit