They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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