She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony