i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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