I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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