her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
