this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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