i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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