I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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