Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
