You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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