I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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