I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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