The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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