So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
