Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
