I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
