My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
