I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mouth tastes like poor choices
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
