im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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