just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
