Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
