remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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