i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
