Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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