When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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