So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
