i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
