maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
