My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
