All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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