I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its not stalking. its research.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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