Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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