my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love having hate sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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