you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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