Only a mothe r could love this liver
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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So many bounce houses so little time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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