Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize