First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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