First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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