is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
