Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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