let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
