I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
