piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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