No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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