end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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