we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i out mim tonsoeep
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