I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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