So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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