i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
