Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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