epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
