we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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