he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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