Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
