have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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