I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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