pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A+ Viking dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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