so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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