Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
