I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
