your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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