Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
