I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
