i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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