remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
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