I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
