Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
