Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
