We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
