also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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